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Category: Relationships

Cold Shoulder

Cold Shoulder

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Cold Shoulder--back of a young woman with off-the-shoulder blouse in a field of yellow flowersHas anyone given you the cold shoulder? It’s no fun, is it?

To receive a cold shoulder means people ignore or reject you.

They:

  • Snub you.
  • Pay no attention to you.
  • Turn away from you.

Rejection is depressing.

A cold shoulder is not accidental. Those who snub you have no interest in contact with you.

The origin of cold shoulder probably differs from widespread belief.

According to The Phrase Finder and The Free Dictionary, many people believe this expression began with a nineteenth century custom.

  • Hosts served a meal of roasted meat to welcomed guests.
  • They served a cold shoulder of meat to guests who outstayed their welcome.

The Phrase Finder says, “There’s no evidence to support this view.” It adds, “The first reference to the phrase in print is in Sir Walter Scott’s ‘The Antiquary,’ 1816.”

Rather than an unfriendly cold shoulder, show love and concern for others.

“If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear” (1 John 3:17 MSG).

Thanks to Kay Emerick for the suggestion. Image by Eszter Miller from Pixabay.

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Scapegoat

Scapegoat

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Scapegoat--goat lying in field, face to cameraHave you ever been a scapegoat? Something bad happened. It was not your fault, but you received the blame. Or have you ever scapegoated someone else?

A scapegoat receives all the blame or punishment for the wrongs of others.

The person may be innocent or only partially at fault. However, they receive total blame.

  • Family members accuse a relative for all their problems.
  • Company leaders condemn an employee for the company’s losses.
  • Team members blame one player for their team’s defeat.

We don’t like to be accused when innocent.

Neither do other people.

We find the background for a scapegoat in the Bible.

God gave Moses directions for the Day of Atonement. Aaron, Israel’s first high priest, took two male goats for a sin offering. One goat was sacrificed. The other (the scapegoat) had the sins of the people symbolically placed on it. It was then driven into the wilderness.

Rather than condemn others unfairly, let’s:

  • Take responsibility for our own actions.
  • Encourage one another to make wise choices.
  • Forgive the mistakes of others and ask forgiveness for ours.

Let’s not hang one another out to dry. Instead, let’s treat others like we want to be treated.

“He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites—all their sins—and put them on the goat’s head. He shall send the goat away into the wilderness in the care of someone appointed for the task.  (Leviticus 16:21 NIV).

Thanks to Karen Atwood for the suggestion and to Lori Carmicle for the photo.

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Upper Hand

Upper Hand

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Upper Hand-two boys with alternating hands on the top of a batBefore we played ball during recess in elementary school, one player tossed the bat to another. Those two players alternated hands on the bat until they reached the top. The person with the upper hand had first choice for team players.

Upper hand means a higher or better position.  

We hold an advantage over another person or situation.

The position includes more:

  • Power
  • Control
  • Benefits

We find people with an upper hand in most of life.

  • Sports
  • Business
  • Games
  • Education
  • Families

Those people may be obvious right off the bat. Other times, we remain in the dark about who holds the most power.

An upper hand does not equal a superior person.

We are not:

  • What we do
  • Where we work
  • Who we know

To be the best we can be, we:

  • Love God.
  • Love one another.
  • Live as God created us to live.
  • Look for ways to serve rather than be served.

 “The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Matthew 23:11-12 NIV).

Thanks to J.D. Wininger for the suggestion and to Karen Atwood for the photo.

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I Don’t Care to

I Don’t Care to

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I Don't Care to--back of man in a suit with a ? over his head

I began my blog in 2013 to help international friends understand English idioms. I don’t care to is an idiom that also confuses people who speak English as their primary language.

I don’t care to has two opposite meanings.

In other parts of the world, it means I don’t want to do something. However, in my neck of the woods, it means I don’t mind, or I will be glad to do it.

Same phrase. Opposite meanings. Are you confused yet? I usually try to avoid this expression but still say it occasionally.

I don’t care to can be changed to a question.

Asking, “Do you care to?” risks all the same confusion.

Usually, I don’t care (without the “to”) means I have no feelings either way.

It doesn’t matter. I have no preference.

However, it often means the opposite when a person becomes upset. Then, it means I care a great deal but refuse to admit it. I am angry or hurt but don’t want to say so.

I delayed tackling this expression for a long time.

How could I explain it without confusing everyone?

I apologize if you must read this post again to understand it. However, I hope it helps when you encounter people who mean the opposite of what you think.

“Listen carefully to what I say; let my words ring in your ears” (Job 13:17 NIV).

Thanks to Denise Wilder for the suggestion. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Honoring God with My Body book coverDo you have an expression you want explained or thoughts about this one? If so, please comment below.

Subscribe to receive my weekly posts by email and receive a free copy of “Words of Hope for Days that Hurt.” Congratulations to Lynn Zimbelman whose name was randomly selected from my mailing list to receive a free copy of Katherine Pasour’s book, Honoring God with My Body: Journey to Wellness and a Healthy Lifestyle.

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The More the Merrier

The More the Merrier

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The More the Merrier, yellow blooms and yellow butterflyWith flowers and butterflies, the more the merrier. They brighten our world and our attitudes. When I was a little girl, our house and yard overflowed with my grandmother’s:

  • Potted plants
  • Flower beds
  • Shrubs and trees

All those blooms resulted in:

  • Butterflies
  • Bees
  • An abundance of beauty

People came from here to yonder to admire and receive plant starts.

The more the merrier usually refers to people.

Often, the more people at a place or event, the more fun everyone has.

During my childhood summers, our house overflowed with relatives as well as flowers. They came from everywhere. Many stayed two weeks or longer. People ate and slept wherever they found a bare spot. We had a whale of a time.

The more the merrier describes a variety of situations.

Not everyone agrees that the more the merrier.

Fewer people may be preferred by:

  • Overworked teachers
  • Tired cooks
  • Exhausted parents

We all need time alone and time together.

The Bible tells us that “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16 NIV). However, the Bible also reminds us that we need to gather and support one another.

“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together … but encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV).

Thanks to Tracy Crump for the idea and to Debbie Tapscott for the photo.

Honoring God with My Body book coverDo you have an expression you want explained or thoughts about this one? If so, please comment below.

Subscribe to receive my weekly posts by email and receive a free copy of “Words of Hope for Days that Hurt.” On 8-23-25, I will randomly select one name from my mailing list to also receive a free copy of Katherine Pasour’s book, Honoring God with My Body: Journey to Wellness and a Healthy Lifestyle. If your name is already on the mailing list, you are automatically entered. Please encourage your friends to subscribe.

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Close-knit

Close-knit

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Close-knit--family photoDo you have a close-knit family or group of friends? Few things in life replace those special relationships. Your roots may have run deep for a long time. Or you may have known one another only briefly. Either way, you can depend on one another.

Close-knit means a close relationship.

Your ties to one another may result from shared:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Culture
  • Interests

Whatever holds you together stays strong.

Time or distance don’t reduce your close-knit commitment.

You remain ready to move heaven and earth for one another at a moment’s notice. Just call, and help is on the way.

That’s the kind of relationship everyone needs.

You never have to wonder. You never have to worry. If you need them, they will be there.

God offers a never-failing close-knit relationship to everyone.

People have limits. God has none. If you want the best of the best, turn to God. God will never leave you alone.

“No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known” (John 1:18 NIV).

 Thanks to Beckham Wilson for the suggestion.

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Chopped Liver

Chopped Liver

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Chopped Liver--bowl of chopped chicken liverDoes anyone out there like chopped liver? I tried to eat it by:

  • Hiding it in mashed potatoes
  • Holding my nose
  • Breading it and adding spices

Nothing worked. It still tasted like liver. I know liver is good for me, but I don’t like it. I consider it a dish for the birds.

Whether we eat it or not, we sometimes feel like chopped liver.

No matter how hard we try:

  • Not everyone likes us.
  • Many overlook us.
  • Few appreciate our potential.

Chopped liver means worthless.

We judge a person or thing as:

  • Unpleasant
  • Unimportant
  • Undesirable

Emotional responses to such treatment include:

  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Disappointment
  • Defeat
  • Frustration

A common verbal response is, “So what am I? Chopped liver?”

We may say this when:

  • We fail to get a job.
  • Friends reject us.
  • People make fun of us.

According to The Free Dictionary, this expression “likely originated as a part of Jewish humor.”

It probably refers to “chopped liver as a common side dish.”  It was “overlooked in favor of the main course.” Many people dislike its taste.

We may consider chopped liver as good only for garbage. Yet, we never want to treat one another that way.

“To love [God] with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices” (Mark 12:33 NIV).

Thanks to Joan Borton for the suggestion. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

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Written in Stone

Written in Stone

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Written in Stone--Statue of Moses with the Ten CommandmentsWhen we receive instructions, we may wonder if they will change or if they are written in stone. That is true for orders from:

  • Parents to children
  • Employers to workers
  • Governments to citizens

Anything written in stone (or set in stone) cannot be changed.

It is:

  • Permanent
  • In final form

Similar expressions include cast in stone or etched in stone.

Written in stone probably originated with the Ten Commandments in the Bible.

Those rules, given by God to Moses, were engraved on stone. They provide direction for every part of our lives.

The first four commandments address our relationship with God.

They tell us to:

  1. Have no other gods before God.
  2. Make no idols.
  3. Never take God’s name in vain.
  4. Remember and keep the Sabbath day holy.

The last six commandments address our relationships with other people.

They tell us to:

  1. Honor our fathers and mothers.

And not to:

  1. Murder
  2. Commit adultery
  3. Steal
  4. Bear false witness
  5. Covet

Years later, a law expert asked Jesus which commandment is greatest.

Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

Love God. Love others. That covers all the commandments in a nutshell.

Thanks to Tracy Crump for the suggestion. Image by Enlightening Images from Pixabay.

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Talk the Bark Off a Tree

Talk the Bark Off a Tree

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Talk the Bark Off a Tree--Large tree surrounded by smaller trees and plantsI have friends who can talk the bark off a tree. They know how to discuss anything with anyone. A former co-worker could also recall details I never noticed. She made a great storyteller in both fact and fiction.

To talk the bark off a tree means to talk constantly.

I occasionally check to see how long before my friends take a break. They do allow time to:

  • Breathe
  • Eat
  • Swallow

Most enjoy laughter as much as words.

To talk the bark off a tree requires energy.

I tried stripping bark from a tree a few times. Not an easy task! Therefore, I decided to let someone else do it.

Likewise, I would be totally tuckered out if I had to talk nonstop.

My verbal friends are not as tight as bark on a tree with conversation.

They offer their words freely, particularly if they want to:

  • Share exciting news.
  • Recall an enjoyable experience.
  • Encourage others.

I give thanks for all my friends, wordy and quiet. Both make life more interesting and the world a better place.

May all I say and avoid saying honor God and uplift the people around me.

May the same be true for all I write and avoid writing.

Will you join me in that prayer?

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

Thanks to Carol Edwards for the suggestion.

Do you have an expression you want explained or a thought about this one? If so, please comment below.

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Have Something Up Your Sleeve

Have Something Up Your Sleeve

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Have Something Up Your Sleeve--hand with ace of diamonds sticking out of sleeveHave you ever had someone say you have something up your sleeve? Or maybe that you always have something up your sleeve?

To have something up your sleeve means you have a secret plan.

That hidden goal will work to your advantage. It remains ready for use at the right time.

This phrase often relates to cheating while playing cards.

You hide a card, often an ace, up your sleeve. When you need it, you play it.

According to The Free Dictionary, this expression “dates at least from the sixteenth century, when clothes generally had no pockets, and sleeves were a usual storage place.”

You may have something up your sleeve other than cards.

Secret plans often exist in:

  • Business schemes
  • Legal tactics
  • Military maneuvers

You keep people in the dark. Most relationships hold potential for such secret moves.

Rather than have something up your sleeve, why not stay honest and open?

When you plot against one another, everyone loses. Instead, roll up your sleeves and work together. If you must keep secrets, be sure they help rather than hurt.

“You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence” (Psalm 90:8 NIV).

Thanks to Brad Leverett for the suggestion.

Do you have an expression you want explained or a thought about this one? If so, please comment below.

In the Thick of It--He Meant You to be You book coverSubscribe to receive my weekly posts by email and receive a free copy of “Words of Hope for Days that Hurt.” Congratulations to Karen Radjunas, whose name was randomly drawn from my mailing list for a free copy of J.J. LeVan’s book, He Meant You to Be You. 

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